Capacity

Hi there. I am having trouble sleeping so I thought I should just write about things that I have been pondering upon lately. I know there are two types of people, the ones who live everyday and take things as it comes, and the ones who have a set of goals and do just about anything to achieve them. Now I know that these are two extreme ends and that the characteristics of an actual person may vary anywhere in between. The question here really is, which end am I closer to?

We are all working be it studentship or actual employment. We all wake up and accomplish day to day tasks, meet problems and solve them, socialize adequately and look forward to the occasional fun times. Easy or tough, everybody has it differently. Life that is. More importantly, we all coexist in the same system but with very different nature. Today, I see more and more people (young adults) put importance in entertainment and a heavy allocation of their time and money is channelled towards this cause. People start thinking to themselves, what is the point of working so hard but living miserably. Well, if there is anything I'm glad about, is that luckily my parents did not have that mentality to pass down to me. 

Dad's IWC's Portofino 8day power reserve manual wind

simply gorgeous 

Have you ever thought of how things are going to be 5 or 10 years from now? Do you have a set of goals you have to achieve by then? Is your every waking moment spent on inching towards it? If no, then clearly your goals aren't of utmost importance. If yes, then you are mercilessly dedicated to it (maybe too much for comfort haha). My point being, there has to be a balance. Honestly speaking I have not found that balance yet. It always depends on the time I get off as I plan around my work-times and so, everyday is a different affair. I cannot answer the 5-10year question at the moment, and that bugs me. If you know me well, I am a person who sets out a plan and work towards it and not being able to answer this question eats into at least 10minutes of my sleep every night. Why you ask? Because this is new to me. I have never lived life not knowing what is tomorrow. I never worked towards an endless goal. I need to know my next finishing line. Unfortunately where I am standing right now, there is no finishing line. Before this it was all easy. Assignment deadlines, final exams, graduating. etc. You know what is coming WHEN it is coming. So this is why I have set a few milestones to hit as I get older. So that 5 years from now I will look back and tell to myself "daym I got this far".

Don't get me wrong though, I am not confused or saddened by all this uncertainties, doubts and worries. They are a motivational drive for me. For now I can tell you what I really want. It only comes down to one word. Guess what? Love. LOL wrong. Its is Capacity. I want to have the capacity to afford myself anything that I want. The capacity to back the words I say and give confidence to the people I love. The capacity to withstand pitfalls and downtimes. The capacity to give and not expect anything. What's ironic is that the capacity I am speaking of here is somewhat an 'endless goal'. No, I am not materialistic. I am a realist. 

"My father has never thought me how to live. He simply lived and let me watch him do so"

- random saying I read on a restaurant's wall